The Art of Self-Regard

Most of us are taught that self-love is the starting point, the pinnacle of healing — the foundation for everything else. But for many of us, especially those whose first home was not safe, loving, or stable, the idea of love can be confusing. And it can take a lifetime to feel like you love yourself.

Yet we chase self-love because it’s natural to reach toward what we missed but also because we are told that we must love ourselves first to love others. Its one of the false beliefs that I believe is at the root of the deep fear that you can’t love your children well, even when you intellectually know you can.

My work is for you, me, and all of us — those navigating the layers of fear, shame, and doubt that exist between knowing and believing we can love our children and ourselves well. Those of us who still might unknowingly embody the belief that love has to be earned, rather than resting in the fact that love is a capacity we can nurture.

As a writer and meditation guide, my passion is to help others feel safe in stillness, trade performative self-love culture for deep presence, honor and name their truth, and give language to the beliefs about love that keep them stuck in fear and disconnection. My writing has appeared in The New York Times Parenting Newsletter (A Tiny Victory Story), YourTango, and Nourishing Word Blog. My latest essay, “A Sister’s Salve,” will appear in No Contact: Writers on Estrangement (Catapult, April 2026).

Born and raised on the East Coast, I now live in the Midwest with the youngest of my two children, Zoë Love (yes, Love is indeed her middle name) — who made me a midlife mom at 44.